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8 Online Dating Safety Tips

Dating Safety (2)

 

These dating tips will help you feel more prepared when meeting new people. A new relationship and the possibilities are exciting. Headlines of romance scammers, stolen identities, catfish, and imposters the fear of being duped by someone you meet online.

  Here are 8 online dating safety tips to keep you safe.

  1. Tell someone where you are going. Have a trusted friend or family member you check in with where you are going and when you plan to be back. Even though you are meeting them online it is a good idea to go slow, keep your guard up and don’t get swept by the initial feelings of a new relationship. We recommend that you download the Noonlight App. Being safe is smart. Noonlight is your silent bodyguard. If you have an emergency call 911.
  2. Meet in Public. It’s a good idea to meet in a public place! Especially with meeting someone new. Don’t have them come to your house and pick you up. Meet in a mutually agreed on location like a coffee or ice cream shop.
  3. Stay alert and aware of your surroundings. Keep an eye on your drink and don’t leave it unattended. If you are drinking alcohol make sure you know your limit. If you feel uncomfortable at any time during the date, get up and leave. A new helpful trend at a bar could save you by ordering an Angel Shot. If you need an “emergency” excuse to walk out the door.
  4. Be honest with yourself, trust your gut. Date smart. Date safe. It’s a good idea to meet up as soon as possible and see if there is a connection. We recommend Skype or a face time phone call. If the person you met online is hesitant to meet you in person, face time, or makes excuses as to why they can’t Skype or Face Time with you something sketchy might be going on. It’s better to walk away. Always trust your gut.
  5. Don’t be afraid to fact check someone. Google has a reverse image search, “search by image” feature. Check for multiple Facebook profiles using the same photo. Do your homework, check to see if it’s a fake account. Verify their phone number, search online: Facebook, Instagram and or LinkedIn. Check facts. Talk to mutual friends, if you have any.
  6. Protect Yourself! Check out: DateSafelyOnline.Org. Establish an in-person relationship first. Take time to get to know them! Learn to protect yourself. Don’t divulge too much information about yourself. Never send money to someone you do not know!
  7. If it sounds too good to be true then it probably is! People create dream personas online. AKA ‘Catfish’ Definition: CATFISH – is someone who creates a false online identity. Sometimes a catfish’s sole purpose is to engage in a fantasy or has an intent to defraud a victim, seek revenge or commit identity theft. do not engage with them if this is the case, block and report them! 

    If your online date boasts about their luxury lifestyle, luxury cars, or yachts most likely they’re probably lying. If anything sounds unbelievable, strange or seems weird ask questions. If the person is defensive, you’re likely on to something. See our blog on  Military Ruse – How To Spot a Catfish! or a person working, living or being out of the country. Do not send money!!!! I repeat DO NOT SEND THEM MONEY! Report them! Do not give out your bank account information, social security numbers, address or birthday. If you do feel like you have been scammed please reach out to the ODA (Online Dating Association).  

  8. The RED FLAGS to look for. Recovering from a devastating break up is similar to a community recovering from a natural disaster. Don’t ignore feelings of hesitancy or discomfort. You do a lot of looking back and analyzing—trying to understand how you missed the signs and how you allowed yourself to be so unprepared for the imminent destruction that was headed your way. You are paralyzed with guilt for being so stupid and gullible. If only I had seen the red flags you yell at yourself! Here’s a list of RED FLAGS to watch out for. 

Please Date safe and responsible. It’s always better to be safe than sorry always! 

Visit us at DatingSafe.Com to find out more about us and why we’re different! Know you’re meeting online is who they say they are! #datingsafe

 

To read more visit: DatingSafe.Blog

6 Tips for better relationships – The Dance of Dating

5 Signs you’re with the wrong person – Mr. Right Now

Profile Picture Perfection is Possible 

Healthy Relationship Habits 

8 Tips for Surviving Divorce

15 Types of Verbal & Emotional Abuse 

 

Written by: Tracy Peart– Founder of DatingSafe & HolyShift Masterclass, Entrepreneur, and Widowed Single Mom on a mission to create change in the dating industry!

See Tracy’s Story on YouTube

DatingSafe Founder Tracy

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The Military Ruse

 

 

The Military Ruse

“You don’t know me, but I stumbled across your picture, and I couldn’t look away. You’re just stunning!”

Not many of us wouldn’t be intrigued if we saw this in our inbox on Instagram.  It is the hook that many scammers use to catch the attention of women all around the world. Sometimes the writing is less articulate and full of grammar errors, but the message is the same: I don’t know you, but you’re beautiful!

The military ruse follows a very predictable pattern. They always message a potential victim through Instagram. They pour on the flattery like hot butter over popcorn. Sometimes they may send you poetry.  They will call you “babe, sweetie, and love.” They are always in the US military. Almost always they are deployed overseas in Africa. Often they have a dead wife or they have been hurt by their previous girlfriend. They will often send you pictures of them in their uniform. However, an astute observer might notice that the name on their uniform doesn’t match what they say their name is, or they claim they’re in the navy but send you a picture of a man in an air force uniform. They may even send you a picture of their military ID, but if you look closely it is obvious it has been photo shopped. They will try to get you to chat with them on Google Hangouts, their preferred method of communication because they cannot be traced. Sometimes they will call you on the phone, but they will never video call you.

They will then begin to create intimacy with you as they confide that they can’t stop thinking about you. They will reveal that they have never met anyone like you before, and usually within just a few short days they will confess their undying love. Usually within 24 to 48 hours after that declaration of love, they will ask for money or gift cards. Sometimes they will slow down a bit if they sense their potential victim is getting wary, but almost always the “relationship” progresses very fast.

These scammers are individuals in third world countries who have used this ruse, and many others, to successfully take hundreds of thousands of dollars from unsuspecting, eager-for-love victims. They use every social media site including creating fake profiles to infiltrate dating apps. It is very important to keep your mind in full gear while you are looking for love. Each scammer has several ruses he/she uses, but the military ruse is quite popular on Instagram. So, if you see any of the telltale signs of the ruse, here is what you can do:

  1. Remember that Instagram is NOT a dating app. If someone approaches you on this app and tries to start a relationship with you out of thin air, be very wary.
  2. Do a reverse Google search on their pictures. Most scammers have stolen pictures off of Facebook or other sites. There’s a good chance you will find out who the image belongs to by doing a reverse image search.
  3. Ask the person to video call you or Face Time you. If they’re a scammer, they will give you an excuse as to why they can’t. With the military ruse, they will usually say it’s because they are deploying soon so they are too busy or they aren’t allowed to because they are on a secret mission.
  4. Remember, real love and emotion takes time to develop. If they are professing love after knowing very little about you, it’s not love—it’s a lure.
  5. Learn to be skeptical of everyone! When you are honestly searching for a relationship, it is hard to engage your brain once your heart gets put into gear. Scammers know this. They send you sweet messages. They flatter you. They know if they can get your heart involved, you will likely turn off your brain. That’s when they start asking for things. Don’t get tricked. At the first sign of trouble, block the person.

 

Some scammers are a little more sophisticated and they start with something that looks legitimate, but they all will ultimately follow the same pattern: get their victim onto Google Hangouts, profess love, and ask for money. Don’t fall prey to these schemes. They continue to use this ruse because it works! It’s time for the singles of the world to shut these pathetic scammers down.

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5 Ways To Open the Communication

 

5 Ways To Open the Communication

 

Joey slammed the door behind him. Bang! This was the third argument in two weeks. What was happening? He and Julie had been dating for six months and things were glorious. They had clicked almost immediately. They had a lot in common and the chemistry they shared was off the charts. So, why couldn’t they work through these little arguments that begun to creep into their fairy tale relationship?

We all have them. Tough conversations with someone we love. The conversations where we have an internal battle between wanting to say the right things and wanting to be right, to win. Most of us know that to preserve a relationship, being right is the wrong paradigm; the kiss of death. So, what can you say when you find yourself retreating to your corner and pulling out your favorite words or phrases that signal to your loved one your superiority?

Dr. Brene Brown, professor, the author suggests the following questions or sentence starters:

  1. I’m curious about . . . If your SO has made a statement, accusation, or criticism instead of shutting down the conversation by responding with one of your favorite conversation-ending quips, try using this instead. Staying curious about your SO is the best way to learn more about them and deepen the relationship. It invites them to continue to be vulnerable with you.
  2. Tell me more . . . This sentence starter can help you get more of the story, understand their thinking, and even uncover underlying childhood baggage your SO may still be carrying around. The key to this is to listen without judgment. Resist the urge to correct what they may share with you. Look at it as an opportunity to learn more about how your SO views the world.
  3. Walk me through that . . . This phrase can help you gently investigate the thought process of your SO, especially if you truly do not understand how they arrived at their conclusion. Listen patiently and attentively as they explain to you how they reached their conclusions. Remember, their logic may not be the same as yours, so this may be an opportunity to build understanding and empathy.
  4. What’s your passion around this? This is an excellent question to use when your SO has proposed something to you that they’re excited about but you just don’t get it. Do they want to become a pickle ball champion? Are they determined to run 100 marathons? Do they want to change careers? Any of these revelations could be shocking to you, but give them the opportunity to share their passion with you. At this point, don’t try to discourage them by looking at logistics. Just watch their eyes light up as they share their enthusiasm with you.
  5. Tell me why this doesn’t fit/work for you. This can help you in a conversation when you are negotiating or compromising on anything. Often when couples disagree, they shut down the conversation by not investigating the underlying objections their partner has. The key to having this work is to listen to what they say and be compassionate.

Using these words and phrases can help you avoid those awful stalemates that end with you driving off in your car angry and cursing your SO. These sentence starters signal to your loved one that you value them as a partner and that you sincerely want to understand where they are coming from. You may not completely embrace their perspective, but if you truly care about that person, you owe it to them to empathize with their reality. Successful couples know that if approached correctly, disagreements are an opportunity to increase your intimacy and strengthen your bond. It helps you avoid building contempt which, according to Gottman, is the grim reaper of relationships. There is nothing more beautiful than to have someone look you in the eye, pull you close, and tell you that even though they disagree with you, they value and love you more than they love their ego. That, my friends, is how true love is built.

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6 Tips For Better Relationships The Dance of Dating

6 Tips For Better Relationships

The Dance of Dating

 

Dating is like going to a club to dance. As you approach the door, you hear the pulsating music float on the air, smell the mixture of cologne, perfume, and alcohol, and feel the heat rushing outside. As you enter the darkened room, you see dozens of potential dance partners. Everyone looks dazzling, but you have no idea if they are a saint or Satan underneath their shiny façade. It would be so much easier if everyone just wore a warning label that told the truth about themselves. The man leaning on the bar would have a label that said: “never texts back.” The woman dancing in the black mini-dress would have a label that said: “can’t hold down a job.” These kinds of labels would surely help the selection process, but since they don’t exist singles everywhere need to utilize the best dating tips available. Here is just a handful of some of the best dating tips I have found.

 

#1: Take a long car ride. Grab a drink and some snacks and invite the person you’re dating to take you on a long drive. They have to be the one behind the wheel. When people are out for a casual drive, they tend to relax. Their attention will be primarily on the road and secondarily on the conversation. This has the effect of catching them a bit off guard but in a comfortable environment so they will be open and honest with you. Plus, you are sitting side by side and that can be less intimidating for some people than sitting across from each other staring into each other’s eyes.

 

#2: Ask about their family. Let them ramble on for a while and eventually, they will say something sad. At that point, you can reach out and touch their arm and say, “that must be very hard for you.” This sympathetic response can help create a bond and encourage them to open up even more.

 

#3: Compliment people as often as possible. It’s especially important to tell the person you are dating why you like them. This general positivity is not only contagious, but it also helps keep your mood positive and will lift your spirits.

 

#4: Tell a vulnerable story. Be willing to share something close to your heart with the person you are dating. It can be something you are passionate about. It can be something that hurt you deeply. It can be something that taught you a mighty life lesson. The willingness to be vulnerable is attractive and will invite the person you’re dating to be vulnerable with you.

 

#5: If the person you are dating hasn’t responded to your last two texts, don’t text them again for any reason. Period.

 

#6: Read. Someone who reads is a more interesting person, in general than someone who doesn’t. Read books. Learn new things. People who read fiction and nonfiction are able to empathize better with others than those who do not read. Reading helps you to grow and change and become a new and better person than you were.

 

Remember that early on in a dating relationship, it should be all unicorns and roses and butterflies and magic. There shouldn’t be any drama. As time goes on, things will pop up and watching how the person you are dating deals with problems and conflict is an important part of determining if they are the right person for you. Everyone is flawed, but make sure that the flaws that are revealed to you as you date are ones that you can live with. If they aren’t, you need to end the relationship. There are many dancers in the metaphorical club and you don’t need to settle for just any dance partner. So, put on your best party dress and get ready to kick up your heels and dance.

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Know Thyself

 

Know Thyself

 

I have this coworker. He’s a decent guy. Hard worker. He often laments to me that even though he has a great job and is fairly attractive, he can’t seem to maintain a relationship for very long. He’s anxious to find someone he can spend his life with but usually after a few dates with a woman he’s interested in, she tells him she wants to date other people. He seems genuinely puzzled by this pattern. I know why women run screaming for the hills after a few dates. I just don’t know how to tell him. He has a personality quirk that is very off-putting, and he seems completely oblivious to it.

Somehow he never developed the ability to be introspective about himself. He never developed self-knowledge based on how people reacted to him. He missed the subtle social cues people give like changing the subject, breaking eye contact, turning their bodies away from him, that indicates they were uncomfortable with what he was saying or doing. He couldn’t recognize the negative effects his personality had on conversations he tried to have with other people. Because of this, he has developed a blind spot to self-knowledge. As a result, he has one failure after another as he tries to date and form relationships with women.

Self-knowledge 

Self-knowledge refers to the knowledge of your own tendencies of behavior or ways of being. It’s being aware of the parts of your personality that others may find annoying, bizarre, rude, embarrassing, etc. There is nothing wrong with embracing the parts of your personality that make you truly unique and special, but in the social dance we all participate in (especially when dating and forming relationships) some behaviors and quirks should be eliminated. Some people think their jokes are hilarious when they really aren’t. Some people monopolize a conversation. Some people think their distinctive style makes them unique when it doesn’t. Some people wear too much cologne. Some people wear too much makeup. Some people are arrogant. The list is endless.

Many of us develop self-knowledge as we wade through the tumultuous teenage years and into our twenties. We learn appropriate social interactions and how to present ourselves in a polished yet genuine way. However, we all suffer from blind spots to self-knowledge. This can be problematic when we are trying to find a companion and/or build a relationship with a SO.

If you have experienced a pattern of failed relationships or manage to get a couple dates out of a woman/man and then get politely brushed off, you may want to see if there are blind spots in your self-knowledge. If you are introspective and honest, you can do this on your own, but if you are truly clueless you may want to find some courage and solicit the help of coworkers or a past SO and ask for an “exit interview.” Be prepared to hear some things that might be painful. Truth can hurt, but it can also help you understand how you present yourself to others. If you solicit the help of an ex-, make sure they understand this conversation isn’t designed to get back together with them. Express to them your desire to understand how things went awry. After the conversation, spend some time journaling the information that was shared, how you feel about it, and what (if anything) you plan to do with that information.

During a similar conversation with my SO, I was given the feedback that I make people feel stupid when I talk. I never realized that that is how I came across. I was crushed and angry when I heard this feedback, but the more I pondered this information I realized that it was quite possibly true. I have been a teacher for over 20 years and part of that job requires me to be the authoritative voice in the room. That authoritative voice has become part of my personality, and slowly my classroom persona had crept into my social personality without me noticing it. I felt horrified that my interactions with others had become marred by this personality quirk I hadn’t been aware of until my SO brought it to my attention. Thankfully, I now have this self-knowledge and can be more sensitive to other’s feelings when I interact with them.

Research shows the average person tends to believe he or she is above average in many things. How can we all be above average? It’s statistically impossible! This just illustrates that many of us struggle to see ourselves accurately.  Every day we base decisions on how we perceive ourselves. When we base those decisions on flawed self-assessments, we run the risk of causing harm to ourselves or others. And, when we are trying to find our soul mate or building a life-long relationship with someone, overlooking our personality’s flaws can be fatal.

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How To Spot Red Flags… 20 Signs To Look For

How To Spot Red Flags…

20 Signs To Look For

Recovering from a devastating break up is similar to a community recovering from a natural disaster. You do a lot of looking back and analyzing—trying to understand how you missed the signs and how you allowed yourself to be so unprepared for the imminent destruction that was headed your way. You are paralyzed with guilt for being so stupid and gullible. If only I had seen the red flags you yell at yourself! But upon further reflection, you are forced to acknowledge that you did see them. You saw ALL of them, but in the bliss and excitement, the lust and yearning for love your radar detector dims and you dismiss the signs. You are eager to forgive “little” mistakes because you want your partner to forgive you your foibles as well. However, over time the little mistakes begin to form a pattern of behavior and if you aren’t purposeful in how you approach a relationship, one of two things will happen: a catastrophic break up after you have lost your sense of self and any self-esteem you had OR you marry your partner and have a nightmare of a marriage that leads to a toxic divorce that leaves you breathless and quivering without a shred of dignity or self-respect.

Sounds fun, doesn’t it? So, how can you avoid this disaster? You have to be purposeful. You have to make a commitment to step out of the fantasy, momentarily, and record your thoughts and impressions and identify red flags while your relationship develops. Yes, hindsight is 20/20, but if you take some time to journal your relationship and track what is happening, you can see a pattern as it develops. Then you can use this information to create boundaries, make decisions, and end relationships if necessary.

The Gottman Institute recommends that you record each time your partner displays a red flag. You can draw them on a blank sheet of paper. Get out your red crayons and color in the boxes. Then, as you date, if your partner displays one of the red flags below, record the date and the details in one of the red flags on your sheet. Over time, you will be able to tell if there is a pattern or if they are just mistakes, which we all make. This is a powerful visual that can help you more clearly see what is happening in your relationship.

 

          Red Flags         

  1. Lack of communication skills.

  2. Irresponsible, immature, unpredictable behavior.

  3. Lack of trust.

  4. Your significant family and friends don’t like him/her.

  5. Controlling behaviors.

  6. You feel insecure in the relationship.

  7. They have a dark or secretive past.

  8. They have a history of not resolving past relationships.

  9. Abusive behavior of any kind.

  10. They push your physical boundaries.

  11. They tell you you’re perfect all of the time.

  12. The roll their eyes at you.

  13. They call all their exes crazy.

  14. They call you names during arguments.

  15. They have no work ethic.

  16. They are cruel or disrespectful to their parents.

  17. Their attitude or moods shift swiftly.

  18. They guilt trip you for everything.

  19. They make you feel stupid.

  20. The relationships is built on the need to feel needed.

 

Obviously, some of these are more severe than others, but they are ALL red flags. They ALL lead to toxic relationships. If you have a hard time being objective while you are being swept off your feet at the beginning of a relationship, consider using this visual activity to help you track your partner’s red flags. Use the information from the visual and trust your gut! Once you are sure there is a pattern, end the relationship immediately. April Mae Monterrosa said, “The red flags are usually there, you just have to keep your eyes open wider than your heart.” This strategy is one way to help you do that. Set yourself up for success in love and you will find it!

 

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A New Year. A New You. A New Dating Strategy.

NewDatingStrategy

 

If you’re like many singles, you’ve been dating for a while. You think you know what you want, so each time you get on a dating site you make sure to select all the correct criteria: gender (male), age (35-50), height (at least 5 feet 5 inches), activity level (moderate to completely active), children (open to having his children), blah, blah, blah. You hit enter and then the program spits out a list of potential soul mates for you to wander through. However, after months and months (and maybe even years) of using this same strategy, you’re still single. What if this strategy of using criteria to limit who you meet online has been wrong all along?

What if this year you try a different strategy? What if instead of focusing on superficial criteria, you leave things completely open? What would happen then? And, stay with me, what if you committed to conversing with and committing to having coffee or ice cream with every single person who reached out to connect with you? Of course, if you felt there was a safety issue you should definitely listen to your gut. However, barring any safety concerns make a commitment to dating outside your box!

Ann Marsh tried just that kind of experiment in 2003. She decided to go on 100 dates in six months. She did her due diligence and vetted the emails as they came in, but she decided to cast off her preconceived ideas of what she was looking for and date outside of her box. Here is an excerpt from her article:

“I got a lot of responses right off the bat. Some were ludicrous, like the 50-something guy in a Hawaiian shirt who offered to fly me to Vegas for the weekend. I deleted far more than I answered. But Week One still found me on dates with 14 men at local coffee shops. In Week Two, I slowed down to seven. I shook hands with a Danish architect and an hour later zoomed across town to meet a swoony soap opera actor. The next day was tea with an airfreight handler, followed that evening by a walk with a real estate lawyer. I dated aerospace engineers, entrepreneurs, doctors, an oceanographer, film animators, a romantic man who lived impecuniously on a boat, and a self-proclaimed gazillionaire who resided atop a mountain.”

So, what did Ann Marsh learn from this experiment? She learned honesty. She learned how important it was to be honest about if she was truly interested in someone after the first date, and she learned to appreciate that same honesty from someone (even if it hurt a little bit). She learned that men who sounded fascinating in their profiles were less than fascinating in person while others who weren’t quite sure how to “advertise” themselves were really amazing. She learned how to set healthy boundaries by having exit lines prepared when it was clear a date should not continue. She learned how to take rejection and roll with it.

She met so many fascinating people she would have never met had she checked too many restrictive boxes on her dating profile. And, would you believe it? She met her soul mate. The man of her dreams who, as chance would have it, would have been weeded out by her selection criteria.

So, if finding your soul mate is a goal for 2019 consider a new strategy this year. Try dating outside your box. You will meet a lot of amazing people. You will learn more about yourself. And, you might just find what you didn’t know you were looking for.

 

Ann Marsh. “What I Learned From Dating 100 Men.” February 2003 issue of the O magazine.

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An Open Letter to the Future Man Dating My Wife:

datingmywife

The day I died was the most devastating day my wife has ever experienced. The pain of my loss took her on a journey that tore her apart and left her gasping for air. Like the mythical phoenix, she emerged a stronger version of herself. She is now more beautiful, compassionate, and resilient.

It is likely that you feel strong pangs of jealousy over me. You might feel like you are in competition with me in many ways, but you are not. You need to remember that just because her love for me will never dim doesn’t mean her capacity to love you is limited. She has an infinite capacity to love you with her whole heart and soul the way she loved me. I can promise you that to be loved by her in that way is heaven. However, you have to allow her to do that by allowing her to continue to love me.

You may wonder how it is possible for her to love me with her whole heart and soul and to still have room to love you with her whole heart and soul. Well, let me tell you how. Remember when you had your first child? You held that sweet baby in your arms. You breathed in his sweet scent as you kissed his soft little forehead. Your heart was filled to overflowing as you stared into his eyes, and you thought: how could I ever love another human being as much as I love this little boy? Fast forward three years later and your daughter is born. You hold that sweet little bundle in your arms. She wraps her tiny little fingers around your thumb and a tear trickles down your cheek. You notice your heart swells with even more love. You know that you do not love your son less now that your daughter has been born. Your heart has grown to love both equally and uniquely.

That is the magic of the capacity of the human heart. It has an infinite capacity to love. So, as you date my wife please remember that she will need to be true to her feelings for me even as she develops a relationship with you. We are not in competition. I was her yesterday. You are her today and tomorrow.

Here are some things that will help her honor me and love you even more.

  1. Allow her to keep some of my things in a special place. Allow her to take those things out on birthdays, anniversaries, and other special times to honor the place I held in her life.
  2. Don’t force her to get rid of things I bought for her. Let her decide what to do with the wedding ring, special jewelry, and other items of importance. Remember that just because she holds onto these items doesn’t diminish the importance of the gifts you give her. She will cherish those because of the unique and loving relationship you will have with her.
  3. Give her space to grieve. Grieving is a process. She may need to be completely alone on the day anniversary of the day I died or the day of my funeral. She may need to celebrate my birthday with the children we had together. Don’t try to erase the memories we shared or the significant role I played in her life. Give her the time to remember me.
  4. Remember that dating a widow is different than dating someone with an ex-. We had a loving relationship that neither of us decided to end. You are dating the woman of my dreams, the love of my life. We had our good times and we had our bad times too. You do not need to feel like you are competing with a ghost. I cannot come back.
  5. Always share how you are feeling. Allow her to share how she is feeling. Make sure you make time for each other. Your relationship with her will be different than the relationship I had with her. That is the way it should be.

 

I know that at times it will be extremely challenging to love my wife. It is hard for anyone who is dating or married to a widow or widower. It comes with its own unique challenges. However, you also get the benefits of a spouse who knows how to love someone, how to build a life together, and how to endure unimaginable pain and come through it a new and stronger human being.

So, please be careful with my wife’s heart. It has already been through so much. She truly is an amazing woman. Any man who has the opportunity to love her is a truly blessed man.

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What Does Safe Dating Look Like?

SafeDatingtipsA few years ago, using an online dating service was considered shameful and people would often lie about how they met their significant other if they met each other online. Today, times are changing. Last year, meeting someone online was the most common way people met their spouse or spouse-to-be (19%). This was followed by being introduced by friends (17%), meeting someone in college (15%), and then work place romances (12%). While you should always exercise safe dating practices, when you meet someone online you have an increased risk, so you should be extra cautious.

What does that look like? First, make sure you use a reputable dating service. Dating Safe is revolutionary in how we approach dating safety. We go over and beyond other dating services to vet and verify all of our members. No other dating service does that. However, even with all of the safeguards we use, we encourage our members, and everyone else for that matter, to follow these great tips as they look for their soul mate.

  1. When it comes to your online profile, limit the amount of personal information you give out. Particularly, pay attention to the pictures you post. Do they reveal where you work, live, or play frequently? Does it show your license plate or your jogging path? This kind of information should be kept private until you determine you can trust the person you are interested in. That should be several in-person dates down the road. There is a delicate balance to be reached between getting to know someone and revealing too much private information. You can talk about work, but you can keep the location private until you feel safe with that person.
  2. Do a little online sleuthing. Do a Google search on their name. Do a reverse Google image search on their pictures. If you find them on Facebook, see if you have any friends in common and message your friends to get information on them.
  3. Consider using a Google phone number and have it forwarded to your phone. This is free by using Google Voice. This is an easy way to avoid giving your personal number to someone before you are ready to give that to them. You can also use your online dating service messaging to communicate until you are ready to reveal your phone number.
  4. While it is tempting to text to set up the first date, psychologists highlight suggest you talk to someone on the phone. There are things you can only learn from talking to someone and your instincts will respond more clearly from hearing their voice than just reading some words on a screen.
  5. If the person you are talking to online starts to ask for money, this is a huge red flag. Do not fall for their sob story. Never send money. Usually the request for money is preceded or followed by passionate professions of love. Don’t fall for it. Delete the person. Block them.

Once you’ve decided to have a first date, there are some things you should do. These are essential when meeting anyone new for the first time even if your best friend has set you up and given you her full endorsement.

  1. Tell someone where you will be, who you are meeting, and how long you will be gone.
  2. Drive yourself there.
  3. Go somewhere public.
  4. Keep it brief. Meet for coffee or lunch. Grab a drink after work. If you are drinking alcohol, limit your intake so you can stay alert and aware.
  5. Consider carrying a self-defense tool and some emergency cash.
  6. Trust your instincts.
  7. Have your “gotta go excuse” ready to go in case the date is going poorly or your instincts tell you something is wrong. This can be coordinated with your check-in buddy.
  8. Go home alone.

Overall, whenever you are on a date, it is imperative to respect time, space, and privacy. While asking questions to get to know someone better is a natural technique for conversation, you need to be careful to respect boundaries. Someone may not be ready to divulge where they take yoga classes if they are protecting their privacy. So, instead of asking: where is your yoga studio?  Ask them: what do you love about yoga? You will learn more about your date by asking the second question and respect his/her need for privacy.

While online dating has its challenges, it is definitely worth it. The good news is, research is showing that marriages that result from online dating are happening quicker and are less likely to end the first year. Couples who met online are also reporting more marital satisfaction.  So, what’s stopping you? Get on DatingSafe.com and get your profile ready to go. We do a big chunk of the work for you by vetting and verifying our members so you get real people looking for real relationships. Then use the tips above and you are on your way to find the love of your life!